Keeping The Faith

I was never really a fan, per se, of "the power of positive thinking." I do like to think positive simply because I can't stand to be miserable in thought. There's something about dwelling in the negative that makes me sick to my stomach. As I've gotten older and have grown in my belief, I realize that positive thinking is a gift of God. And that gift is called faith.

Who knew that I would be entering into a time where my faith would be tried and tested so intently?

Jesus said, "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Two Years ago, I found myself in a situation that I would have never expected myself to be in. At first, I was in denial that this could even be happening, but then when LIFE just hit me, I was not sure how to react. I began to question everything about my life, and then another part of me was facing God in bewilderment.

What was I supposed to pray? Ask God for healing? Nothing was making sense. It took me a while before I could cry. Did you ever try to force yourself to cry? I felt so confused and conflicted inside that no emotion could surface...until the day I started saying things out loud.

Is it wrong for me to question the circumstances that I find myself in? I refuse to bargain with God. I refuse to ask for anything that is not in keeping with His will, but how can I "prepare myself" and my mind not be lured by what is promised in the Holy Scriptures of healing? The tears just poured out.

In desperation I asked myself, "what are you praying for? What are you asking of God?" And then I answered to myself, "I only ask that God give me the strength to deal with whatever comes."

Just from that one simple sentence I've learned that unwavering faith isn't the absence of these questions that roam in our minds when faced with adversity. It's not about holding a fake demeanor of strength when you're wrenching inside. It's about relinquishing everything you believe and resting in the fact that God holds our best in His hands and we just have to be open to receive it...whatever comes.

When I came to grips with my own faith this time around, an undeniable peace came over me and I started recognizing how in the smallest ways, God is reminding me of His care.

I'm grateful in the smallest things. No matter what I face in the coming time, I know God is there. It's not the power of positive thinking but this little mustard-sized thing called “faith” that gives me hope and encouragement that what I believe is not in vain.